Originally Posted by DoubleDragons

Lotus, I just want to offer you hope that once you get out both physically and mentally from your situation, things get much, much better. My original family life sounds similar to yours, although my mom's alcoholism has only really kicked in since I left home. (but the crazy making happened for years. Pathetically, she is almost easier to handle emotionally, as a drunk) I got married in my early twenties basically to escape the craziness of my family of origin home. I needed a good year of therapy and a round of anti-depressants while I was in therapy, to deal with my family of origin issues. I recommend that to you when you can afford it. Luckily, my husband is my soul mate and our marriage is very good (though I would never advocate getting married early like that, we are unusually lucky). Our children are very well adjusted and I feel like we have stopped a lot of sick patterns that both of our original families had started. It hasn't been easy, but it is rewarding to know we are doing it right. I am happier now than I have been in a long time and certainly happier than when I was growing up in chaos. My heart goes out to you. Just hang on and survive the best you can.