There are lots of different kinds of A's out there.
There are the A's in denial and actively drinking and they are in various stages of the disease manipulating others and quacking away at whoever buys in and will listen.
There are the A's that are in jails, mental institutions and hospital beds and many of them are in deep trouble with their lives in ashes or fighting for their lives. Many of them are still in denial and have no intention of changing... EVER. Some are going through the motions and saying what others want to hear to save their marriage or get a lenient sentence from a judge or praying to their HP as they have been given a death sentence by their doctor.
Then there are the A's that are actively trying to find their own way out of alcoholism. They know they have a problem and are actively seeking a solution. You can tell by their actions not their lips that they are sincere in their attempt. Statistically most will not find their way out and they will struggle with their addiction all of their lives and drift in and out of active drinking.
Then there are the A's that actually do find authentic true recovery and work everyday at their whole being... spiritually, physically and emotionally. They deal with the WHY to their drinking by working on themselves... their selfishness and other issues that all alcoholics seem to share. Some are in AA or other programs and some are in spiritual programs such as Celebrate Recovery. Some are Buddhists or completely secular and have a therapist or counselor working with them.
These A's are the rarest of the rare. They are few and far between. The 20 and 30 year chips in AA have a lot of dust on them. My hats off to these men and women.
And then there are the tweeners... standing in the gaps of these different groups. Trying to figure out how to drink and keep their wife and their job. They learn to lie and say what people want to hear while they sneak around and drink. This is the craziest world for the those that love the A because up is down and down is up. It is living in the rabbit hole where you never know if the Red Queen is going to invite you to tea or take off your head.
And then there are the A's who after a lifetime of misery upon themselves and their loved ones as well as society shrivel up and die because their body shuts down or they crash into another family in the family car. Or they choke on their own vomit or drown in the tub drunk.
It's not pretty loving an alcoholic. I know... I loved my dad and he died in his alcoholism. I love my brother who just beat his 3rd DUI and in 1 year he gets back his license to drive and he will drive drunk again to maybe kill your family on the road. And I loved my XA... I still love him and he is sober today. Doing well! Very, very well.
But I won't take him back... ever. He is an A and A's drink. Tragically he will relapse one day and I will cry for him but I will detach and go on living. Because I am in recovery and I released him to his HP long ago....
I know this is a Debbie Downer post but well...its true and truth sets you free. The truth is we choose to pick our poison and our choices determine our destiny. I would rather live a happy, joyous life without him than live with the dread of his picking up a drink and entering into the hell of addiction again.