Bird13, I am so sorry that you are going through this, and my response is on somewhat of a tangent to your thread so first I'm repeating what amy55 said,
"I think you are doing good right now, and you are seeing things for what they are and what they can be.
It will get worse, the disappearing acts will get longer and longer. Also in this case, I also don't believe if you take the alcohol away that things will be any better. My ex was like this with or without alcohol."
Take care of you
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
Bird, your first sentence,
"I try not to hold anger in my heart , b/c it feels like it eats away at me slowly and kills my life." When a living creature gets angry, adrenaline is released into the blood stream in response to the "fight or flight protection mechanism," and it tears other molecules to pieces, anger is eating away at your body. I have severe anger issues myself, and it's a lot easier said than done to control anger, but I'm working on it. Bottom line reason not to be angry is for your health, and trust me you will waste an enormous amount of time that could be used for positives aspects of your life. I of course hope your relationship goes the way you want it to, but please don't let it tear you apart. Rootin for ya.
Epinephrine and Psychology Epinephrine and Emotional Response
Every emotional response has a behavioral component, an autonomic component, and a hormonal component. The hormonal component includes the release of epinephrine, an adrenomedullary response that occurs in response to stress and that is controlled by the sympathetic nervous system. The major emotion studied in relation to epinephrine is fear. In an experiment, subjects who were injected with epinephrine expressed more negative and fewer positive facial expressions to fear films compared to a control group. These subjects also reported a more intense fear from the films and greater mean intensity of negative memories than control subjects.[23] The findings from this study demonstrate that there are learned associations between negative feelings and levels of epinephrine. Overall, the greater amount of epinephrine is positively correlated with an arousal state of negative feelings. These findings can be an effect in part that epinephrine elicits physiological sympathetic responses including an increased heart rate and knee shaking, which can be attributed to the feeling of fear regardless of the actual level of fear elicited from the video. Although studies have found a definite relation between epinephrine and fear, other emotions have not had such results. In the same study, subjects did not express a greater amusement to an amusement film nor greater anger to an anger film.[23] Similar findings were also supported in a study that involved rodent subjects that either were able or unable to produce epinephrine. Findings support the idea that epinephrine does have a role in facilitating the encoding of emotionally arousing events, contributing to higher levels of arousal due to fear.[24]
