Thanks for the support guys. today was a very rough day, and I am basicly sitting at home watching tv trying to distract myslef. I am bored and this is my trigger time. I am not doing anything anyways, why not catch a buzz and atleast "feel" happy?
Why? because I read what I wrote the last night drunk. this isn't so bad. Boring yes. Depressing yes. Put a bullet in my head? no, it isn't that bad.
I have four days off from work, away from those who push my drinking button. I do have to go back Monday, but I will be even stronger than I was today. Some things really suck about this change in my life, really. But I see the goal, I see the prize at the end of it all. It isn't anything special, it is just me. ME. I haven't had me around in so long.
He is here tho, and getting more and more pissed off at the AV. More and more annoyed at how I have spent the last 20 yrs.
I am here, just waiting to get out, and we will, just takes some patience.