Hey Alphabet. I relate to, "we make promises to each other to not drink, one of us caves, and it's the same terrible story all over again." In my experience, when one partner sort of "blazes the trail," so to speak, and leads by example, starts to get sober, works to stay sober, starts making better decisions, the "terrible story" starts to change. But of course, all relationships are different. I just wanted to say that I truly relate, this is what I'm doing, and it seems to bringing about change. I hope it works out for you.