Book suggestion here, if you're interested:
Waiting: A Nonbeliever's Higher Power, by Marya Hornbacher.
My local library had a copy, and I liked it enough to order my own from Amazon. Maybe you'd find it useful too.
ETA: I just read Wavy's post below and so much of that is true for me also. I do NOT necessarily believe in that "personal HP", as Wavy called it. As she said also, there is so much else that is worthwhile in Alanon that I just let things go if I don't feel they are for me and concentrate on what IS for me, which is a heck of a lot. Trouble w/religion or problems defining an HP are no reason to miss out on all the other good that Alanon can do, IMHO.