I feel like this on a constant basis. Although mine comes with a addiction and that dark ugly word bipolar that makes it 100x worse. I remember before I got married even in the beginning of my still strong marriage I kept my hair done, my nails done, and I didn't have a blemish on my face at all. I was fit and healthy and above all HAPPY. I had a social life now I stay home. When I got pregnant with our daughter at 5 months pregnant he was deployed leaving me in california and all my family on the east coast. So I put everything in storage and flew home for the birth. After that... it began to spiral. My mother and I flew back to cali to set up a new home for us. Not only had I changed I had a baby and became a mother but eventhough my husband didn't see major combat he came home a completely different man. For the first 2 weeks he would barely say anything to me or even touch his daughter. I went into a state of depression found out about spice through a military friend and have felt hopeless lost and just down right hate myself how i look and probably other things i hate about me if i thought about it. Now its sweat pants and hoodies and my hairs in a bun my daughter is my world and reason for ever beat my heary takes but I don't like her seeing mommy like this. Rehab is pretty much out of the question. The embarassment it would bring to my family I would be disowned. We all found that out the hard way when a cousin asked for family love and support she got yelled at spit on and disowned because "no one in our family does these things and we won't put up with it don't embarass us or else." So absolutely no support system there. I just want to be happy again and to love myself like I used to I look in the mirror now and see a failure.