EveningRose

I signed onto my phone account online to do it with my home phone. I'm pretty sure if I ever felt the need to block my cell phone, I could go online, likewise, into my account. In e-mail, there's a function somewhere. Maybe someone else can tell you. I always go to HELP in any program to look for answers, and failing that, just google it. Somewhere online, you'll find answers.

Funny, isn't it? Yeah, I got the niiiiiiicest letter from AF expressing such concern....and yet woven throughout the underlying message was what a screw-up I am, how much he's done for me, how my own children can't wait to get away from me (not exactly true), and how all my accomplishments in life are really his doing. My sister sends me letters telling me she loooooves me, they all loooooove me (but you have to admit it's really your fault I have meltdowns and rages....and subtext between her and my dad, it'll keep happening until I jump through their [impossible] hoops and accomplish the impossible.)

My suggestion: don't. The reason I walked away was because I saw three choices: 1. Be a doormat and take it. 2. Get down in the mud and fight. 3. Walk away. I didn't want to be like them. I didn't want to spend my life screaming at other people. And to be honest, in an alcoholic family, the dynamics mean that you are going to lose, anyway, plus now, they'll all point to how you screamed.

True story: at my sister's second melt down, she was screaming red in the face, leaning over the dinner table, raging. I said one thing. My dad said, "Sit down, ER." I made a decision. I'm going to be the peacemaker. I'm going to honor my father. He'll do the right thing and tell her to sit down, too. I sat, he said nothing, and she kept going and going and going.

And you know how it's remembered in family lore: Her informing me I was screaming at her in her own house at her own table. How can this be, as I barely got two words out, trying to speak calmly before he told me to sit down and I did? I sat there saying nothing. But it's being relayed as me screaming when in fact, she was doing the screaming.

Moral of the story: in an alcoholic family, it is pre-determined who is the Problem. Reality DOES. NOT. MATTER. Facts DO. NOT. MATTER. If you actually scream at anyone, it's only going to get worse, and they will not realize that they've been pushing you. They'll only be appalled that you screamed and blame you, regardless of what has led to that point.

I agree.

I think this is so typical. I think I'm shooting myself in the foot, refusing to really tell my kids all that has gone on, because I don't want to be like my mother, always badmouthing everyone.