Hi Jazz
. It's hard feeling like that. Self loathing and regret is such a vicious spiral. Hopefully in time you will forgive yourself, the longer you stay sober the more the past will begin to fade. I have over 2.5 years & am still hard on myself for things that happened while I was drunk for years. Sometimes it is hard to not obsess. I think that in your writing and introspection on this issue maybe it would help to start really small and write a few very simple things down that could help. You could start with a question to yourself in the morning. What is one thing I can do for myself today that shows self-caring? Is it taking a shower? Doing some laundry? Cleaning up a mess? Do one nice thing for yourself. You'll have to force yourself but keep at it. Sometimes when I don't care about myself procrastination becomes an issue too. I don't want to go on & on & on, tho I could. I hope you feel better soon. Best wishes to you