Thank you all for the input, it was so helpful to read these comments. I think what I struggle with the most is that if you look at how much my husband drank before he met me until today, it is significantly less (after years of me encouraging him to cut back). He still drinks too much in my opinion but every year that goes by I see him decreasing the amount he drinks on average. Right now an average week he is probably sober 2 night, has a couple beers 3 nights and drinks too much 2 nights. This is down from before I met him where he would get drunk every night.
He has never seriously contemplated AA or any program yet. I think that is why I keep holding on to hope (maybe false hope?) that he may get help or at least to a place where he drinks in a healthy way in the long run. Although by that time it would be too late to have kids at this rate.