I can't think of anyone I've met in recovery who says that right from the start they were convinced that what they really wanted was to be completely abstinent for ever. It doesn't work like that, so don't worry about it.
But it's also worth flipping it over and thinking about it the other way - that you don't need to suffer the bad consequences of drinking again in the future. You have identified a few - shaking, dry heaving, anxiety, telling lies to your family and your children.
I expect you could expand that list, if you're brave enough to face the facts. Furthermore, I expect you could also identify what an alcoholic in an even worse state than you are now would be like.
Many people here regard it as a progressive condition. That's why we're giving sobriety a shot, a day at a time. This website is one of the primary means we use to support one another but as you'll see as you read on, each one of us has our individual approach and there's no perfect way of doing things.