elizabeth and amitiredenuff - what can I say? Your posts have touched me more than any I have ever read on here. I am so sorry to hear of the terrible pain you have both suffered. I hope you both keep coming back here - for your sakes and ours.
On the subject of infidelity, that is the one boundary that I had before I ever came into al-anon. If someone was to cheat on me, that was it. End of story. Over the past year, I have realised that I had virtually no other boundaries. Through al-anon and counselling, I have discovered that the only way for me to be me, to be happy and to have a healthy relationship in the future is to have healthy, intact boundaries. I have no control over someones actions, however, I have total control over my response to that situation. So, if I am cheated on, I will walk away.
I don't think all alcoholics cheat. However, I do think that there is a certain lack of judgement, along with a lack of self worth, that may increase the propensity to cheat. For me, that is no excuse.
I am sorry to hear that so many of you are suffering or have suffered because of the actions of another. We are all worth more than that.
Love
Minnie
xxx