Hi bird13, I don't have any advice to offer as you seem to be figuring this out just fine. What I will share is that while working through my recovery I was dealing with a lot of anger as well. In fact calling it anger isn't quite right, it was often rage.
What I learned was a big surprise, I wasn't nearly as angry with my AW as I was with myself. I was feeling the anger because I wasn't listening to my instincts, I wasn't paying attention to her actions but rather hanging on to the magical thinking that love conquers all and I could save her.
I was wrong and I needed to change to save me, not her. Don't feel guilty about feeling angry, it is normal and healthy as long as you pay attention to the real cause. For me anger is an alarm telling me some is wrong, is wrong now and something has to change.
So, kudos on making these difficult first steps.
Your friend,