Thank YOU!!!
Smoke---your tribute to your dad was so beautiful!! I agree that you must have some wonderful memories. My dad is dying now, and has been slowly losing his abilities for some time. It is so difficult to see someone you love who was always so strong and vibrant---become someone who is basically living in a shell of what they used to be. Looking at my (most often) silent father lying in a hospital bed, weak and frail---I try to imagine what is going on inside his head. Having worked in a nursing home for 10 years, I know that these lost souls are just that---lost souls!! Dad has withdrawn inside himself and rarely shares anything anymore of himself. He and I were always fairly close, and it is extremely difficult to see him deteriorate this way. He has a bad heart, lungs, kidneys---you name it. It's weakened him to where he can do little for himself, and that is the hardest part of all. My dad was always the "doer", and I know that when he looks at me with his hollow eyes---that there is a deep inner pain inside himself that I can't seem to touch. I hold his hand, stroke his cheek---comb the thick head of hair that no man his age should have!! He turned 77 yesterday and I went to see him in the hospital. He seemed to have no pleasure from living to this age, and all I wanted was to take his pain away. It's getting harder all the time to look at him this way, but most of the family visit only sporadically and seem to be afraid of the dying process. I can't turn my back on this wonderful man---no matter how difficult it is. Your post helped me so much to realize that what my dad has given me of himself over the years---will carry me on my journey through life---long after he is gone!!! Thank you so much, SMOKE----I needed that!!!