I alwaysread peoples upset and maybe rude posts on this board and think...geez they are crabby.... hmmmm.
OK, well I hope I dont really make anyone mad...but here it is.
I am not TRYING to be miserable and for those who may feel that, I am sorry to have given you that impression. I am not harboring resentment, but DEALING with the pain that others addictions have caused me. I do not lie to those who love me nor do I have an addiction that causes myself and others pain. I am not the one who drinks so much that I hit people and ask them what happened to their face the next day bc I am so drunk I cant remember. I am not the one who stomps on cell phones and pulls phones out of walls to avoid my partner calling the police.
I did not ask for alcoholic parents, breeding false thinking think that relationships with abusive alcoholic mates is normal. I realize that politicians and actors cheat, but those people are not involved in my life and did not directly hurt me.
I am tired of feeling like I am doing something wrong to have encouraged this sort of behavior and sick of people telling me to worry about myself. I do not know how to worry about myself. when the only thing you know how to do is worry about others, that IS HOW you worry about yourself. I think it is becoming increasingly apparent that I have more issues than the realm of this board encompasses. I was in hopes that I could find some relief here, and I have...and for that and everyone who has encouraged, I thank you. I have also found some small minded people who expect me to smile and say the serenity prayer and then I will be fine. I am not fine, and not happy. I am incredibly insecure and scared most of the time about most everything, including but CERTAINLY not limited to being cheated on. I have been asked by a doctor if I would consider taking valium on a regular basis, which I suspect may help, but because of my familys propensity for addiction along with my SO's addiction, and my weak position now, I voted against. I never meant for my question to bring about so much controversy and for that I am sorry. But, I am not sorry for asking of questioning the behavior of an addict, a liar, and a man who thinks he is tough becuase he is drunk and he is always right.