bird13

I try not to hold anger in my heart , b/c it feels like it eats away at me slowly and kills my life however I am noticeably angry the last few days and I can't blame myself for feeling that way.

I don't know if this is an addict thing or just my ABF but we are unable to discuss -anything- that may go wrong in our relationship. From big things like trust or big fights to little misunderstandings. Literally anything negative that happened that upset me I cannot resolve. He feels 1. attacked or 2. controlled like I am his mom. Regardless of whether that is actually what's happening. I have weeded through each excuse and " perfected " the way I approach him and what I say, but in the end he has more and has not made 1 compromise of how he handles communicating.

I used to sweep this under the rug. For years. Live for the good times and just want to patch it up so Friday night we could be having fun together again, or making plans for our next vacation. But now, I am unable to do that and when there is a problem ( recently this past two weeks) I just didn't chase him anymore to " resolve it properly" or even try to patch it up so we can be happy. I just checked out, and carried on with my life, and told him I obviously cannot keep giving what he needs unless he is able to acknowledge I am an actual person with feelings. ….I lost all desire to have sex with him or to spend any quality time together bc he flat out avoids me when he knows we should be resolving something that happened. He will call the next day and sound confused why I am frustrated or short. He also gets mad when I do not accept his advances or want to make plans ...like I am just trying to be a problem for no good reason. What about my feelings? It seems he wants a prostitute, not a partner.

I literally let him have as much time as he wanted to go out every night, blow this off, drink, and would let him call me on his own good time the next day or few days, and it just goes in cycles. He tried to come over twice to talk after realizing we are at a "standstill" and it ended with him listening, giving nothing but the word "okay" and then telling me this is just him - he isn't the type to discuss things- and I am trying to fix or change him and maybe we should break up. ( INSERT THREAT) I obviously mentioned that ALL couples have to be able to resolve or talk, because life isn't perfect. No response and again, "You are trying to change me. " I just let it go, he left and it repeated again two days later with him trying again to sit down and us both calm. Same thing, he ends up refusing to compromise or talk to me about how we can communicate better. When I voiced my concerns about him I was walking on glass, when he had his chance to talk he basically went off on me, it seems more malicious than " I want you to understand my side." (non of this was alcohol discussion btw)I intercepted to tell him we have to talk without attacking- he right away shut down told me he can't do this anymore and maybe we should take some time off. Again i just sit there, b/c I will not beg, yell, or plead .. only respect his threat and let him sit with it. he wanted to go home so he got up to get ready and so did i.. because I was going for a walk. Not sitting in the apt sulking! Apparently this bothered him. On both nights after this sad display of effort on his part and ditching me at the apt, he was kind enough to invite me over for sex probably, or just a warm body to lay next to high. I refused.

I have not really reached out to him, nor do I want to sleep with him or regret my decision to stand off on this one and keep myself busy with friends/life. His actions are basically communicating to me that I am here for his sexual pleasure and full time fun company and enjoyment. At any time should I need any real attention to my feelings or have a problem with any of the ill treatment he shovels out to me, I can go spend a few days alone. Or he will just go out and drink. And I can just sit and think about that until I get weak, cave, and come running to him to " work this out" aka shove it under the rug after a not so nice and unhelpful " talk. "

We are at a wall now, b/c I obviously don't see myself wanting to just sleep with him and compromise my dignity and self respect at this point. I am so bitter I can't even have dinner with him or give him my time let alone that. And he seems to be fine with not calling me at all today for the first time this week as he probably feels that I am making a big deal of nothing. Has anyone else experienced this, please share. Really needed to vent and post.