Originally Posted by
NWGRITS 
A lot of that "I wish you had never split" is peer pressure, and some of it could even be her own (unfounded) guilt. Kids tend to take on the responsibility for everything that goes wrong in the family. I remember when I was a kid, I always thought that if I got better grades, had better friends, was better at singing/painting/the piano, then everything would be fine. It would all be right if *I* did better. That was most of my family garbage talking, but I didn't know any better. I'm not saying that's the case with her, but I will bet she knows deep down that being out of the alcoholic environment is better. She's at a tough age where image is everything.
As another ACoA I second this. So much of what is happening is out of the kids' control. I didn't understand it wasn't my burden. That need to control came out in a lot of ways, many of which were masked as achievement orientation. LOOK I GOT THE LEAD IN THE PLAY, MA! SO NO NEED TO GET ANGRY ANYMORE, EVER, RIGHT? Sigh. I also developed an eating disorder for a time in an effort to take some control over my insane life.
Honesty from any adult would have made a world of difference to me. Being told it wasn't my fault, that it was really happening and I wasn't just crazy for thinking it was all effed up...all of the adults in my life were very invested in protecting the image, not the kids. Even if my dad couldn't have gotten me out of there, I wish he would have been straight with me instead of encouraging the idea that if we were all just better, Mom wouldn't have to get so angry.
I find this thread such a relief and an inspiration. Thanks to WTBH for starting it and to all for contributing to the dialogue.