Through the 12 steps I looked at my part, cleaned it up, stopped doing things to feed into their insanity or create any of my own with them and used Alanon tools to set boundaries (out of love, not punishment.)
Then i continue working on who I became with my own patterns and my other relationship problems and start really healing. I use AAs Big Book, some Alanon and some ACA. It's a lot of work and it takes time but it's worth it.
For now I highly suggest reading Hope For Today to get some tools and going to whatever meetings you feel are right for your program of recovery.