Drinking it will not improve a single thing in your life. It won't make anything better. It won't take away any pain. It will just prolong your suffering.
The sooner you ditch it, the sooner you will continue your journey towards sobriety and happiness. I know it's tough at first, trust me. But every single person on this forum will tell you that it does get better. This is all just temporary. None of of the pain your feeling now is permanent.
Seizures are deadly. You're walking on such thin ice, here. Second chances are not guaranteed. Don't give up!