Oh DC, I know exactly how you're feeling. My husband was sentenced to state prison in 2000. I didn't get to say goodbye to him either; they just whisk them away. I left the courtroom and drove, drove and drove some more. I had to go to a Catholic men's home to pick up his things (he was there for a week and we thought the judge would show some mercy and leave him there, no dice). When I arrived there I fell apart and the women in the office were very nice to me until I calmed down. He was in the county jail for about three months and it was a horrible experience to visit him; they treat the visitors like scum; it was worse than awful. I really didn't get a chance to adjust to all of this and my adult son asked to come home as he lost everything and was adicted to coke. He is still with us almost five years later. Anyway, after that they sent my husband two hours away and I went to visit him twice a month. I also sent him care packages plus he could call collect every Sunday night and we could only talk for 30 minutes. All of this is very expensive; luckily my mom helped me out a lot. I think he was there for awhile and then they sent him about 7 hours away and I couldn't visit him at all because the cost to travel and stay over would be too high for only about an hours' visit. I didn't see him for a whole year. He missed two Christmases. I eventually settled down. As you can guess, I'm not a "tough love" person. He's been home almost two years; still hasn't finished paying his $5,000 fine but has been off parole since last summer. It sure has been a long haul....and he still drinks. We've been married 40 years. If you need an ear, I'm available. Hugs, and I'll pray that you'll get through this and eventually catch your dream. As for our son, he is doing pretty well; I keep telling him that life begins at 40 which he'll be this summer. In the past I've tried Alanon but I just couldn't grasp all of it; I took what I wanted and left the rest.