I stayed because when things really started getting out of hand with AH, I was pregnant with our fourth child, had a 3, 6 and 9 year old and no where else to go. I spent years avoiding AH and then subconsciously started working on an escape plan.
Then AH fell apart even further and got crazy/violent and I went to the police and got him out for good. My escape plan was not well conceived, but I at least had an alternative place to live established.
Many of my worries about what would happen have come true and it's been actually quite a lot worse than my fears:
- he lied to everyone involved in our marriage, convincing tons of folks that the marital breakdown is all my fault;
- he has managed to withhold healthcare insurance from us for the past year;
- the children and I are living on a third of what we had to spend before the separation;
- he has moved on from primarily abusing me to now abusing the children;
- AH has been destroying our family home so that its value has been reduced by a third in one year
- AH's manipulations and withholding of information and lies in court have led to a very costly divorce which isn't over yet;
- unsupervised court-ordered visits have allowed some traumatizing events where the children have had no protection from AH
So why do people stay? That's why.
P.S. It was still worth it to leave.