I stay (for now) b/c I received advice at Alanon that I shouldn't make any big changes (such as leaving a marriage) in my first year of "serenity", much as A's are advised not to make any big changes in their first year of sobriety. I was advised to wait for several reasons: It is a marriage of nearly 20 years and thus 1 more year to work on things and get an accurate picture of what is going on is not an unreasonable investment of time, I was not in either physical or financial danger from continuing the relationship, and the A expressed, at least at times, interest in getting sober.
Several folks here at SR seconded that advice; the thing that sticks with me the most as far as any specific thing that was said was that I'd do better to leave when I felt I was coming from a place of strength and calm rather than a place of anger and fear. Strength and calm are slowly growing, and I think this is GREAT advice for so many things.
We have no children, either, so there's not that consideration.
It is November. I started Alanon in mid March. To the best of my knowledge, my A has about 4 months of sobriety, from mid July to now. However, this weekend I found undocumented cash withdrawals from our savings and got a whole lot of BS when I asked what that was about. Then I was blamed for his dishonesty (he is "too embarrassed" to tell me these things). Now this AM, it's his sponsor's fault b/c he is not accessible enough. I don't know if he is actually drinking again, but with the behaviors and thought patterns I'm seeing here, I can't believe it's long until it happens unless he really starts working.
I myself go to Alanon and come here regularly. I have learned a lot and changed in the past 8 months. I have far to go. But here is where I am now:
I believe I see a goodhearted, sensitive man at times. If I see that man enough, if I believe he is making progress in recovery, I will continue to stay. If I see continual backsliding, I will not stay.
Hope that helps.