Wow. Your post is a blast from the past. I had a long love affair with booze. People drink for different reasons. I drank because I was awake. I couldn't imagine my life without booze and no consequence would deter me from drinking. I lost everything, multiple times. Went to jail. Multiple rehabs. Had bad health. You get the idea.
I was told that I either had to choose recovery or alcoholic death. So I chose alcoholic death. At least with that, I knew about how that was going to happen and I couldn't imagine life without drinking.
I loved drinking, but it stopped loving me. Thankfully before dying, I finally "got done" and was ready and willing to quit booze. I made a plan and followed it exactly...every day. I still do this. Follow the plan everyday.
I don't even think about booze anymore. I don't think about drinking anymore. I don't even want it. It is not a part of my life. What I DO have is a whole bunch of things that I never realized were even possible in my life. My life is amazing now. And it takes so little effort on my part to keep it that way.
Glad you are here. I can totally relate to your post. I was months or less from death and things could have turned out so differently.....