Wow, what a mess. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.
Before I filed for divorce, I was always waiting for "permission" to leave, something to point to that was a clear breaking point. This would have been a great exit opportunity for me. If I were in your shoes, I would consider seeing a lawyer for YOU to find out if any of the wreckage will become your responsibility and how NOT to make that so.
Thinking of you.