Originally Posted by
jaynie04 
The damage that is already done is hard to even quantify. I don't think adults who have not grown up with this can understand how scary it is to never know what is behind closed doors.
Absolutely agree, 1000%. I see this with my niece because in the early days of my sister's divorce she still allowed visitation with her XAH & it was awful for DN. By the time he left town & my sister finally went no contact, DN was a wreck of a kid, starting to self harm, suffering internally in ways we couldn't reach.
Now he has popped back up, 5+ yrs later & my niece is
violently adament about NOT seeing him. He's trying to use the courts to force visitation in order to stop his child support debt from accruing so once again, she's his pawn. Except now she's 14 and has spent
years working with counselors, teachers, etc. building her confidence, stopping her destructive ways, excelling in school & all of her activities. It took YEARS for her to get to this point and if she were forced to have visitation I can't even imagine how damaging it would be, nevermind how much more permanent the damage might be based on her age & what she's already been through.
If you have the law on your side & your SD has the awareness of mind to CHOOSE to avoid her AM, I say support her at all costs. (But maybe I'm a little emotional on this issue because DN is going through this right now.)