Feeling, after not feeling for so long, can really hurt.... but it is important to experience our feelings in order to learn how to live soberly. I don't know much about riding horses... but I doubt you can't do ANYTHING right... I suggest finding something small that you can do correctly with your horse and then build on that. Don't think about what you used to be able to do but can't... think of yourself as reborn (as you are) and learning for the first time. Hope this helps in some small way.