Tetra,
I have been reading your posts for quite a while now. You have 4 pages of Threads you have started since June 2010, 95% have very negative headings. I want to be careful here because I (and only I) feel like I am walking a very thin line between believing you really WANT that chance at sobriety and freedom you so desperately seem to be seeking.
So much encouragement, advice,positive thoughts have been given to you over the last 3 1/2 years, one can only wonder if you just seem to feel the need to put yourself down at the hands of others in your family. You are 32 years old, Tetra, what are you waiting for? You are no longer indebted to your mother and her toxicity or your brother and his belittling you. I fear in reading these threads you do not believe you are worthy enough to have your OWN life. Good or Bad? This (IMOO) has come to make me believe you need some serious psychological therapy. You are NOT a doormat, yet you seem to allow people in your life to treat you that way as if you deserve nothing more.
I will tell you this Tetra --You will never receive respect if you don't respect yourself. People will treat you exactly the way you feel you should be treated. There is something in your mind that sees you as less than you are.
You are 32 years old and to read some of your posts my heart breaks for the hurtful feelings of a little girl, not a grown women. Perhaps you still see yourself as that little girl? You are not--you are young enough to take control of your OWN life. throw mama from the train along with anyone who does not respect you enough to treat you as such.
IMOO Gran is your way out. Your strength manifests itself when with her by your side. Live with her and grow strong enough to get sober and tell the rest of your critics to F--- off. Live the life you were destined to have as an adult not the broken little girl that still exists within you. You are as good if not better than Many people out there. Stop allowing people to work you over. I fear you have become your worst enemy.
Forgive me if this may seem harsh, hate me if you must, but please consider what I have said. It is after all only my opinion! I sincerely am in your corner--change has to start now or you will have wasted what could be a very liberating one.
Sincerely.
TrixMixer