I post here rather sheepishly because I am the A who has caused my devoted bf a lot of pain. He has spent much time in our relationship dealing with my addictive behavior and truly, he should have kicked me out long ago. He didn't, though, and is reeling from the last "power outage" on my part. That said, some clarity of vision has come over me and I am working very hard on my sobriety and on doing things to make my situation less of a burden on him. Will it last? I don't know, (any A who promises that he/she is "recovered" does not understand the situation) but I AM trying and it is posts like yours SherylB that help me to remember the chaos I have created. You have given me extra strength today to keep working toward the person I feel I am, have been in the past with long periods of sobriety, and will be in the future if I stay sober one day at a time.
All of that said, Sheryl you are dealing with an active addict and the only thing you can do is fortify your own life. If he becomes a sober person, then you will be stronger to access whether or not to try to rebuild a relationship.
To EnglishGarden above: "My experience is that alcoholics enjoy hurting people."
I don't believe this is true, but when we are active we hate everything, including ourselves, causing much pain and wreckage. The only thing that counts is the next "fix" or drink. I am all too aware of the Hyde fighting with my Dr. Jekyl. Today the Doctor is in control. One day at a time...