My experience is that alcoholics enjoy hurting people. One way an alcoholic husband does this is to give his wife the silent treatment. It is intended to give him a feeling of power and control, to give him the high of being one-up, and to punish her because she has expectations (sobriety in the marriage) which he resents on a deep level.
When you feel pain about his brutal silence and absence of interest, it keeps the alcoholic in a position of power over you. This is why it is very important to learn about patterns in the alcoholic marriage. The Al-Anon brochure "Alcoholism: A Merry-Go-Round Called Denial" really nails this pattern of abuse in the alcoholic marriage.
And alcoholics are always always always about the LOOK GOOD. They will always say they are doing great, after they walk out on their families, and this is, again, a very subtle but effective form of abuse, to keep the wife in pain and to keep her under his foot. The wife starts to believe she really was the cause of his discontent and that she really is a complete and total disappointment and that if not for her, he would not have had to drink to deal with his life.
This is all brainwashing. It is very very powerful. It can destroy the spouse. I mean that quite literally.
You are up against something very powerful and deadly--alcoholism in your most intimate life--and you have to continue seeing that counselor and going to those meetings for many months, because it will take you a long time to see things as they really are. The alcoholic is quite effective in controlling his spouse's emotions and thought processes, and the detox from that control takes months of work by the spouse.
Your story is the classic script. The classic alcoholic relationship and the devastating personal effect it has on one's ability to carry on with life.
You are going to get better. You are.
Him, very little chance. Maybe. But much less likely. It is what it is.
You will get better as long as you make recovery your number one focus for the next two to three years.
If you stop getting help, you will react to your situation in unhealthy ways, your thinking will be distorted, and you will find yourself either in constant chaos with him or you will draw to your life another unhealthy man who creates chaos and pain.
If you commit to your recovery, you will find your sanity, your backbone, your Higher Wisdom, and you will be emotionally present to your daughter, who is the innocent victim in all this. She will have a better chance of being okay if first you get okay. And even then, she will likely need some counseling, for what she feels about all this and its effects on her, she will not tell you. Counseling for you and for her can save you both from the effects of being abused by a husband and a father; the worst form of abuse is always that which comes from someone you needed the most.