Mizzuno

I am becoming more excited about my life now that I am sober. In march of this year, I was at the lowest point for myself and this low not only affected me, but my family as well. I had taken things too far once again, and this too far had major consequences. I am proud to say, that without those consequences I am not sure if I would have the resolve that I hold today. I do not think of using in the way that I crave, or miss, or think life would be better lived. I think of using as a means of destruction and a way to hide and wear a cape that masks the real essence of who I am. I can no longer hide from what is meant to be dealt with, and I can no longer live in a state of oblivion to avoid, to have fun, to regret, and to lack any ambition. I spent too many years dreaming of accomplishment only to wake up to a fully grown adult in a closed box of alcoholism. ( I have said this before, I know)

I can say that belief in oneself is the difference between night and day. Had I learned this lesson early on, maybe the cards would not have fallen where they did. I realized that I am exactly where I need to be and my accomplishments and success is in perfect timing with personal growth. There is something to falling down and then standing up to take back all the power that was given away. There is success in walking away. There is a better life. I realized that I was better than what I was showing to the world and to myself. I needed to become who I knew I was meant to be.

Earlier today, I was thinking that I should be farther along in my development, that I should have this and that. I should. This idea of "should" is just a way to keep my spirit down, and to keep the light from fully shining. There is no reason to compare myself to others.

This may be too happy for some and not make sense to others. 8 months in and I have experienced a settling that gives room for more than just survival. This really is a good place to view the world. I remember months back when I could not breathe, when the light was too far out of reach, and my emotional health was questionable. With time and with the love of a sober community, family, and friends, I began to resurface. A re-birthing into a more solid wholesome character that I like and enjoy being with.

Keep walking forward. Let the light in. Grow into your highest self. These are all words that I tell myself daily.