I just wanted to second what Hopeful said about mixing those meds with alcohol. In particular, mixing xanax with alcohol can be deadly. I wonder how truthful your husband was with the prescribing doctor regarding his drinking. Mixing alcohol and xanax can lead to increasing the effect of each substance significantly so it certainly could be the case that he didn't drink that much. I would see my AH almost comatose at times, other times incredibly paranoid, and other times irritable and violent. Please be careful. I don't think you are stupid at all, just human and dealing with a difficult situation. I left 5 months ago and I still can't face the fact that it might be for good. We are doing a year long separation and re-evaluating at the end of the year. Maybe something like that would work for you? Good luck.