Sorry to hear this stuff: some unpleasant reminders.
I was an extreme drinker for nearly thirty years,before 5wks detox, then the bizarre notion that I could become a moderate drinker.......
Actually I did moderate a lot at the price of watching every move, counting drinks, keeping note books etc. I FELT I WAS WALKING A MINE FIELD. Still really miserable then, on benzos and anti depressants to boot.
Moral of story; there is no sane drinking for the alcoholic, period!!
At long last I am six months sober and attribute much of this to AA & SR.