I can only speak from the alcoholic side but I asked the same question hundreds of times how could I be so stupid. when I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and totally beat I surrendered. my best friend and lover was killing me. I could not rationalize the pain and suffering that alcohol put me through. I was beat.
I went to AA and learned that I was powerless over alcohol that my life has become unmanageable. I learned that total abstinence was the only possible solution. it was then that my life started to turn around.
Your husband is not a bad person he has a bad disease I feel so very sorry for the pain suffering that I put others through and I'm truly sorry for the suffering that you have gone through.
You need to take care of yourself and build a healthy happy life.