myfreedom, I believe that there are two essential things for you to do to help yourself achieve clarity and maintain your resolve.
1. Educate yourself, thorougly, about alcoholism and co-dependency (they go together like ice cream and cake).
2. Get much more support. Alanon and individual counseling is the "gold standard" (at least, for starters).
3. Just for your own information---counselor and psychiatrist--are totally fine--but, cannot replace a strong program of recovery--like AA. A lot of alcoholics think this is o.k.---because they can manipulate well enough to avoid the fact that total abstainence is the only route to true recovery.
Please don't beat-up on yourself. Haven't you already suffered enough?.....LOL.
dandylion