I think you should tell her the truth. Read your above post to her, or some of it. Her codependency is not helping you and could trigger you into codependency which you seem to be handling pretty well currently. I would simply tell her you love her but her fear and upset are so out of control that you really cannot talk to her at all until she is more calm. I would advise your husband to do the same. Part of addiction is that the addict has to get well on their own. She cannot will it for him. If he is going to relapse he will do it with or without all of her emoations.
I don't really understand the entire $ thing, that you have to go to them to get your own$? Did you have a problem also that they had to take control of your funds? Not getting that part at all.
Hugs to you. You are in my prayers!