I was like you. A totally different mean and angry person drunk, who said terrible things to my husband and felt remorse but kept drinking.
When I finally, really stopped drinking I stopped thinking and saying those things. It took time, but I will never forget after a year or so of sobriety my husband said to me "You are so nice now" and meant it.
It took sobertime and care, as others have mentioned.
I still have things to work on and we both have healing to do, but I would never have thought it possible when I first decided to accept responsiblity for my drinking and what I did drinking and to turn it around.