For years, apophylite (It's not a rock, Marie, it's a mineral), I drank to deal with my shame and guilt. And that only lead to more shame and guilt, and other bad stuff too. I grew more and more depressed and anxious as well until it finally came to a head and I needed to try a different approach and face my crap sober. Or I was going to die, sick and alone.
I decided I needed a fresh start, and I was going to make one, dammit. I decided I could live with my mistakes if I never repeated them, and this lead to their acceptance. It was, after all, the best I could do. This best turned out to be so much better than I could have imagined.
There was a time when I was a huge embarrassment and a disappointment to my wife and especially to my daughters, but my achievement now shows my girls what the human spirit can achieve, that we can each decide to make a new way of living and to change something as ingrained as alcoholism.
Apophylite, please take a look at this:
Timshel. It is a story that is thousands of years old, and it explains that we can become great, that we can triumph. We can choose our course, and fight through it, and win.
Best to you.