I had to learn that, as much as I wanted to, I couldn't change a second of the past.
I had to accept that what was, was.
The good news is there's a lot we can do about today. I made my life a kind of living amends - not to get people to forgive me or love me again but because I wanted to make my life matter, to make it count from here on in.
The more I did that, the less the past mattered - I will never forget, but I have forgiven myself - and, as an added bonus, several others came to forgive me too.
It's not an overnight process but it will happen if you commit to it
D