Shattered relationships and self esteem. How to rebuild?
Binge drinking has put a real strain on my relationships with my partner and with my friends. I'm a different person when I'm really drunk and I say and do some really hurtful, thoughtless things. The worst part is that I don't remember doing a lot of these things, I can only see how the way I have acted has pained the ones I love. What kind of friend am I?
How do you rebuild after this? I don't know how I can make up for the things I've done. I don't want people to believe that 'drunk K' is a true representation of the real me, I seem to do a complete 180 on my true personality when I've had too many. I say and do things that completely contradict my morals and beliefs. It leaves me feeling like I've lost a sense of who I really am, and it sounds cliche, but I don't know myself anymore.
When I think about all of these things I've done, I feel ashamed and disgusted. I don't feel I deserve anything good in life. How will others forgive me and support me through trying to change my life for the better? And how can I make my peace with this? Because I can't forgive myself and I can't see a way out. Every day is filled with this feeling of worthlessness and self hatred.
This is all a bit deep for a Thursday morning but I couldn't deal with it buzzing around in my head.