it always seems like that when stress/life gets to us, the desire to escape it all by drinking is very strong. i could say that i was functional for years, despite the drinking.
i've created a more complicated problem, not only did i actually have to deal with stressful situations, i also had to deal with my drinking (which always got out of control).
to me life is easier if i am not drinking. it's not peachy, but it's one negative thing removed from my life. alcohol never did anything positive for me, it was all a lie... it held me back, it blinded me. it made me believe that there is no joy in life. real, honest joy and peace. yes, i wish i could experience it day to day, minute to minute. but for those moments that i do feel that way, i realize how important it is to be free of addiction. i could never feel that way under the influence.