I'm sorry that you are feeling rough, In my experience it requires patience waiting for the good moments. We can come to a better understanding of how ups and downs are the way it is. When abusing a substance we become numb, This is a symptom of living too fast of a lifestyle where clear minded understanding is under estimated. Perhaps some change in the way we relate to different circumstances is helpful to being happier. It's perfectly human to have anger, It's just that when we practice it over and over in our minds we want to rush and disregard all the beauty that surrounds us. We can have gratitude for a strong will to do the right thing. Might I recommend looking into some practices for slowing down such as mindfulness. It really helped me especially in the first few years, Remember you are building a foundation to sturdy a much greater and higher quality future for yourself which is the change everyone in the world can benefit from. You have done really good so far : )