Neferkamichael: THANK YOU! I really mean it. You have no idea. Just you saying that brought tears to my eyes. I think I've had a pretty rough day and I needed some kind of acknowledgement. Thank you again :-)
Mizzuno: My thyroid was functioning perfectly.
To all: I do agree that you have to work on yourself too. Probably I expect dramatic results way too quickly and that is why I am bitter and grouchy. I don't agree with the AA steps though, sorry. For one thing, I didn't get to this point by saying I am powerless before alcohol. I got here by saying I am powerFUL. Nor do I believe in some internal psychiatric dysfunction labeled "alcoholism." What understand is that alcohol is an addictive substance. Everyone has a tipping point with it but it varies from person to person. ANYONE can become addicted to alcohol. It doesn't just pick certain types. What I do think is that PERHAPS I have missed out on some character development because instead of allowing myself to feel pain I have been anesthetizing it away for the last 17 years. I never thought of it that way before now, but I think I am onto something, so thank you for your observations -- they were very helpful. That could explain why life sucks so much for me right now. Maybe if I had learned better coping methods earlier on, it would not be so difficult.