HI Miyako...
I understand completely how you feel. I share the same type feelings.. I thought life would have gotten so much better after all this time, and its disappointing that it hasn't. I also understand the anger. The only thing I can say for sure is that with sobriety, life stopped getting any worse. I stopped making terrible decisions, and not destroying my body is a plus, but sobriety really doesn't seem much fun.. I guess like you I thought everything would turn around and get much better. It just stayed the same, just like you said, no chance to feel any type of relief. I work out alot, just to spend some energy and try to find a little peace, drink lots of tea, but have to say, this sober skin just doesn't fit right and is itchy...I dont have any answers, just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone. I hear dying of alcoholism isn't pretty, and its a guarantee if we dont stay sober, I guess thats enough reason to keep going?