Hammer, no he is not a vet. His PTSD is due to severe childhood sexual abuse (that he refuses to deal with, hence the issues with alcohol).
I hear you all saying his behavior is abuse. If a friend said her boyfriend was doing this to her, I'd call it abuse. But somehow I can't quite make the leap for myself. Or I do have moments when I see it as abuse, but then I decide it's not.
Either way, it's unacceptable. I'll just focus on that.