Originally Posted by
Wisconsin 
I'm quite sure, though, that my experience being married to someone who was more like my child than my partner left me STARVING for a passionate marriage with an equal partner. I had it for awhile, but it's been gone for over three years.
^^^wow^^^ this is very similar to my story. Except my XH (not an A) did the leaving, because he got tired of the dynamic first. Either way, I had grown accustomed to "scarcity" from my long term marriage. So when ABF - who started out loving, attentive, passionate, present - started to slip away, it hurt, but felt weirdly normal. Like before, I had to fill in all the gaps for myself, while feeling resentful and sad. Familiar territory!
Yes, JJ, your previous marriage, and lots of other self esteem issues are most definitely at play in your current relationship with your A - they certainly were with mine.
I encourage you to keep looking deeply inside yourself, with love and compassion; start to discover why you will tolerate getting only crumbs to eat, why the scarcity is sad and lonely, yet somehow enough to get by on?
I am on that journey, too. You are not alone!!
((((hugs)))))