What strange timing for you to post this. I was thinking about a similar thing today.
I was feeling like a hypocrite for even posting on f&f, because I feel it doesn't really apply to me.
My ex is a alcoholic, and he is abusive. I didn't leave him because he drank, I left because he is abusive. I was thinking today, that if the abuse wasn't there, I probably would have stayed, and put up with the A. It's one of the reasons that I don't post much to people who are dealing with an A, I tend to post to the people in abusive situations, it's like I know that part of it better.
So you got me thinking today. Thank you for that. So these are just random thoughts right now. I'm really trying to separate my ex into 2 different people right now, one is the abusive one, the other is the alcoholic. OK, so if one day he was miraculously cured of being abusive, would the alcoholic still be ok?
First, need to answer your question about whether your past being relevant to your struggle now. I would have to say yes.
Today before you brought this question up, I would say that I would have stayed even if he was a A.
Now, I don't think so. I remember all times he was drunk, and trying to act so lovey dovey while I remained the designated driver. I remember all of the parties he wouldn't go to, or slept through. I remember the times he would sit alone drinking and closing himself off from me. I was just emotionally drained. He was in love with a bottle, he would promise to spend time with me, then he would start drinking. I spent so much time at home because he couldn't put the bottle down, went to so many things alone, because he was at home drinking. Whenever we went someplace, there had to be beer. He joined all the people at bar, and left me by myself.
He would start drinking early in the morning, and I knew that our weekend was shot. He would talk to me, try to help me with some things, but he was already drunk, so we really couldn't go anyplace. I just felt alone, the loneliest I ever felt was being home with a drunk that had passed out on the couch, and it is only 7 pm.
So, I need to change my answer from the way that I was thinking in the morning about this very subject. No, I couldn't have stayed. It wasn't a life, not one that I wanted.