I'm sorry that you feel so badly, gothbarbie, but so many of us here have been through similar situations and we know the lies that we told ourselves. Beneath your desire for an apology is most probably a desire for him to once again declare his love for you so that you can "win him back". This is all a part of the addict/co-addict dance – I'm not pointing a finger at you, because I did the same thing.
What you have NOW is a chance to start working on YOU. Your relationship with a person addicted to substances was not coincidental – it is a reflection of your emotional and spiritual maturity. I realize that what I'm saying may sting, but many of us here are working hard to never again feel the anguish that you now feel, and one of the keys to that is an acceptance of reality and a turning away from fantasies about ourselves and about others.
You obviously need to make your own choices about your life, but I hope that you decide to surround yourself with people that love you and can nurture you while you start on a path of recovery. Let go of the pain that you're holding onto and move forward, with honesty.