Forrestalan1

Well to keep it short I'm a 22 year old male and at my age group I'd be laughed at for reaching out to a place like this. I mean I'm in college it's expected that I drink and get wasted out of my mind on the regular. But I want to escape this whole mentality. I have mild aspergers syndrome(a form of autism) and while I don't appear abnormal to the average person inside I'm always in a battle with myself. I have my moments of severe anxiety and depression and I began to drink the summer of 2011. Drinking had become a relaxer of sorts, if I was in a social situation with my peers it became easier if I had a buzz going. Eventually a few beers evolved into a whole 12 pack in one night but what was concerning was a whole 12 pack started to not even phase me. I was told when I got to this level I had a problem but I paid no attention. I would start buying cheap box wine from Wal Mart and I would drink practically the whole box of it. Sometimes if I felt I didn't have enough of a buzz I would down some Listerine mouthwash to top it off. A few months ago while staying at an aunts I had a depression episode and I raided her wine collection. I've known many alcoholics in my time, my father has a buddy who is a "drunk" he will crack a beer the moment he wakes up in the morning. I don't want to throw my life away but it's hard sometimes. The warm calm feeling I get from drinking soothes the anxiety my mind produces. I don't want to wind up becoming dependent on this "medicine" I want to kill this before it even takes root on me.