Sorry On the Brink that you're having a tough time right now. Hope things look a little sunnier soon. From what you say it looks like you've got some anger inside. That often happens when the alcohol disappears. Something inside you is angry that it's not there any more. Says, "Where's the booze? Bring back the booze!" Don't fall for that! Hang tough. You sound like a tough, gutsy determined person. I like what General Grant said, "I propose to fight it out on this line if it takes all summer!" Go for it!
W.