I haven't been on in a while and had almost three weeks of total sobriety, although my sleep was not good and I find that when I am tired, I tend to reach for the beer. However, I lost my job and with that, of course, my health insurance. I am terrified of what will happen when I cannot afford the few hundred a month and get penalized by the government. I broke last Friday after a big arguement with my ex over child expenses. I had plans to spend the weekend with a friend, it's about an hour drive and I got on the road, bags packed and stopped at the convenient store and bought beer. I told myself that I forgot to lock up and possibly left the stove on....all of what is bullcrapola because I hadn't cooked on it that day, but man my mind was all for it. I actually UNLOCKED my doors, carried in the beer, popped one open and drank it like it was water. I have been alone for the last week and have not stopped drinking. Wake up, pop the top and go until bed. So, sweetie, I know how you feel. I awoke this morning feeling okay and BAM, beer was opened and before I knew it, gone. So I came back here, because I can't do it alone and I don't have a support system that I trust. The last time I slipped, I called my sister and two close friends and all three gave me the same "talk" and told me "you always do this, why do you keep coming back to us?" So now, when it happens, I tell noone and hope the binge will just go away. It's sad that people just don't understand if they don't have the addiction. I felt like yelling at my friend and saying YOU DON'T NEED TO EAT 5 HERSHEY CANDYBARS DAILY AND THEN BI#$% ABOUT YOUR DIABETES!...but I don't, I listen and offer calm and soothing advice and any support I can give her. I've been where you are and it stinks. I've also been sober for several months and loved it...although that journey was hard and sometimes I wouldn't feel so well, but it was a lot better than this!
This is a great place to be and I hope you do find someone to talk to, I miss that as well. Hugs